Whip It. Whip It Real Good.

Alright, chilluns. Here's the deal. I don't understand a damn thing that comes out of Hollywood anymore. Yes, we've had precious little gems like Britney Spears and Lindsey Lohan crotch sneak peeks, Avatar, and who can forget all those cheating scandals? But one thing that baffles my little peanut brain is the trend of exploiting your children to absolutely no end. Granted, if I have a pretty baby (I say this like I'm not going to end up alone with my cats) that little chalupa will be in beauty pageants and any money he/she wins will be used to buy my boxed wine and Xanax. Holla back, housewives.

I digress.

For one, Suri Cruise. I have seen this pint sized little mango margarita in more fashion blogs than I know what to do with. I, for one, think it's batshit crazy to be calling a 2 year old a "fashion icon". If I tried to rock the white tights, black flats, and little baby doll dresses with Scottie dogs all over them, I would look like a specialized prostitute channelling a creepy man's child fetish. Makes. me. cringe.

One family that I am absolutely in love with is the Smith family. Will and Jada Pinkett to be specific. Recently, though, there has been a phenomenon that I don't understand. Their son, whats-his-name Smith, has been in more movies than Meryl Streep lately. I understand him acting with his father in "Pursuit of Happyness" but that's about it. But, the real mind-bender lies within Willow Smith.

If you don't know who she is:

1. You probably live under a rock

2. Youtube her and her new song "Whip My Hair"

This may or may not be the absolute STUPIDEST SONG I've ever heard in my life. I have a long list of stupid songs in my back pocket as you might have guessed. These include: Big Green Tractor, Rain is a Good Thing, OMG, I Wanna Sex You Up, Billionaire, Alejandro... It's a pretty extensive list. But this boggles my mind. Has the Smith family ever heard of shaken baby syndrome? This poor little girl's eyeballs are going to detach and fall out of her head.

I'll go ahead and give you a couple lyrics that I hate because I know you're all waiting for it:

Hop up out the bed turn my swag on. Pay no attention to them haters cuz we whip em off.

I'm sorry...you're 9 years old. How many "haters" could you possible have? I jU$t d0Nt G3t iT.

Whether its black stars black cars im feeling it, but can't none of them whip it like i do.

Two things...

1. You can't drive.

2. What is a black star exactly? At the risk of offending anyone with my initial thought, I'll apologize now. But, does she mean famous black people? Perhaps the stars of "For Colored Girls"? I don't know. Either way you spin it, Willow Smith is feeling it. Thank God for that.

Also, I'm glad Willow realizes that she's the best at her craft. None of us could ever whip it "like she do".

When I'm down and I feel like giving up, I whip my hair back and forth

You whip your hair when you feel bad? Little girl, you need Jesus.

All my ladies if you feel me, do it do it whip your hair. Don't matter if it's long, short do it do it whip your hair.

Just so everyone knows, the hair whip is not length specific. Any of Willow Smith's ladies can do it too. Whenever we're down and out, all we have to do is whip our hair. Keep in mind to not get carried away. We can't whip it like Willow.

Sorry this post is such a beast!

Thanks for reading today, everyone!

Sydney

Obsession of the day: My atmospheric science professor who looks like Professor Trelawney from Harry Potter.