Is Nothing Sacred Anymore?

All I have today is a little story, so come along children.

I was in the car this morning, barely woken up, the tiniest bit hungover, and ready to go back to bed when I hear the most ridiculous commercial on the radio. These women were talking about the benefits of breast feeding. Problem number 1: the last thing I want to hear about when I wake up in the morning is pregnancy. Moreover, the idea of having a baby latched on to my lady bits for dear life is pretty close to revolting for me. Now I understand that breast feeding is supposed to be great for a child and make it not stupid or something like that, but by definition breast feeding is pretty close to parasitism. The baby gets fed, the mom gets boobs that touch her waist. Just sayin'

So these women are on this commercial elaborating about their breast feeding plans. At one point, an all-too-ghetto woman says "Ohhh yeahhh, I'm breast feeding for as long as I can". Good to know, Mo'Nique. Will you be reprising your role in "Phat Gurlz" any time soon?

The announcer on the commercial then says something like "It doesn't matter whether you breast feed for a month or a year..."

Why, yes it does matter if you breast feed for a year. The idea of a child still breast feeding after a year is the tiniest bit upsetting, only because I'm pretty sure some children are walking by a year. I may be lying, though. I don't have a kid so I'm not entirely sure, but in my book, if your baby can walk, your baby can walk to the fridge and get it's own damn glass of milk.

Then, one woman says that she "likes the idea of breast feeding burning 600 calories a day, so [she] can get her figure back". Two flaws with your theory, precious. You have to breast feed for like 17 hours of the day to burn 600 calories. Also, the idea that you'll get your figure back solely due to breast feeding is attainable in theory, but you would have to breast feed for about 16 years and not eat anything...ever. Godspeed, little lady. She seemed excited about it though, so who am I to burst her bubble?

Anyway, guys, that's all I've got for today. Another sassy rant. Cutting edge, right? Have a great day!!

Obsession of the day: Hip to My Heart by The Band Perry